Memories, all alone in the moonlight...

Sometimes... a memory is just a memory: it passes on, it flickers through your mind, you smile in retrospect, and it eases away without leaving a trace.

My memories this afternoon were of the complete opposite kind: I had one of our candidates on the phone, who's voice & accent are the EXACT same as my mr. Big's. (For the non-SATC-addicts: every girl has a mr. Big, which has nothing to do with size(!), but with that one great, lost love you'e gotten over some time ago but always seems to pop up in your mind when you don't want it to).

Really, the accent, the voice, the choice of words, the tone, it's just totally creepy. It's him, if I close my eyes, if I hear without listening: it's him, and it scares the living daylights out of me.

It took me, I think, 3 years to get over That Guy (haha). I can honestly say now that I'm over him, but it was one hell of a journey geting here. I made a complete fool of myself so many times, analysing what went wrong, thinking of all the things I still wanted to tell him, how I'd tell him, writing him emails and then not sending them, or sending them and immediately after: regretting I'd sent them :-)

It was just one of those very unhealthy, forbidden loves: they get under your skin, they absorb you, you dissapear, you breathe that other person, you lose track of yourself, you push yourself aside to Love the other one. And you don't even mind: the sleepless nights, the bad eating, the pushing yourself to the limit just to have 5' together, and worst of all: the lies, the terrible lies you tell yourself and everyone around you, just to get through the day.

Memories, this afternoon: I'd just spent 2 hours queueing (is that even a word?) at my local union office to get some paperwork done, I got back at the office when he called to inform about some stupid appointmentthingie. And I only heared half the things he said: that voice, that so-familiar-but-you-know-it's-not-him-sensation, it just creeped me out.

I had a discussion with my colleague the other day: is the grass always greener in your mind? With me it is, because I started to remember all the nice things, the feeling of being swept away and treated like a princess, when all he really left me with was a bunch of unanswered questions and a mild depression.